Saturday, December 4, 2010

Saturday fight live

So the new woman did show up today, and blessed her with her presence. Everybody agreed it was a lovely.. lol I can't do this!

She is in her late 30s, and is acting up more than a poorly raised 7 year old. Asks for guidance, but when given help, she raises hell and claims it might be better for her to learn on her own, don't we think!?! HUH?! Yeah, thats right!

I can ignore shit like that up to a certain point. That point was passed, left and forgotten today..
The cunt (former new woman) was talking to customers, trying to help them while I was 'supervising' the situation. No surprise the cunt wasn't handling things the right way, so I merely gave her some friendly advice. Of course she ignored the advice 3-4 times, and crossed the line. "
JUST LISTEN TO WHAT I AM SAYING! *repeats advice* ITS SIMPLE". I admit, I snapped, but not like I would if we weren't on the clock. I kept my smile, and raised my voice just a bit over normal. But clearly enough..

Shocked, the cunt literally threw everything she was holding (including stuff for the customer), yelled "YOU DON'T TALK TO ME THAT WAY!" and RAN off to the storage room. Yeah, she IS in her late 30s..

I don't know. At that point I just didn't care at all, I just decided to totally ignore her (hey, the circle comes to an end - or something). She really isn't worth my rambling, and I'm going to take it up with my manager/boss.

Also I took next week off. I seriously cba to be in a real life drama, I can't handle it. I would turn it in to a slasher right away.

It wasn't just the one thing, all day she was yelling at the rest of us, complaining and whatnot. But I think she really has some mental issues. Not like padded room issues, but I think she was displaying psychotic tendencies. She needs help! Or a bag of planted cocaine. Haven't decided yet..

Friday, December 3, 2010

TGI Friday

I'm just too tired today. Stayed up laaaate last night, watching House MD, and Lie To Me. Solved the Lie To Me cases straight away, so it was no fun. And I'm just waiting for lupus when watching House MD..

A busy busy day at work too. Seems people are test-shopping for the holidays. Either that, or there's an upcoming apocalypse I should know about.
One of my colleagues is pregnant, apparently. I'm guessing that's why she haven't been in for the last month. Pays to be observant, huh! But she came in to day, for a 4 hour long shift. Left after one hour due to sickness. I can totally accept that, no need to vomit all over my workplace, when you can do it at home! But sticking me with overtime and extra work, when I really need to be collecting snow-globes for the guy in Lucky 38, thats just mean!

I am looking forward to tomorrow, by the way. The new woman is taking a shift! Last time she worked, she said "this is the easiest job I have EVER had! Just have to sit here, relaxing all day!".. Yeah! Good luck tomorrow, busiest day of the week, bitch!

This has nothing to do with anything, I just want to put it here. I can and I will! Come to think of it, this depicts either me, or the new woman, after some hours of work tomorrow:

Thursday, December 2, 2010


Today something really funny and heartwarming happened to me. Well, it was a happy moment anyways.. And, no, the new bitch wasn't in today, but next Monday! EXPECT ME!!

I was minding my own business, trying to get some work done. Customers were also minding their own business, trying to ruin my day - as usual.
A young mother came my way, with her kid in a cart. I could tell that the mother was stressed, by looking at the pixles and so on, so she didn't really pay too much attention. The kid, who was about 1-1,5 years old, somehow opened the baby-safety lock on his seat, and stands up. I found myself trapped in a position where I wasn't quite sitting, and not quite standing. I felt concern about the baby, but I was also kind of hoping for something.. Yet I didn't feel bad, after all his mom WAS right there..

So there we were, I standing on my ass, the mother doing.. I don't know, and the little baby. He had climbed to the edge of the cart, so I knew falling off would not be an issue. And he was smiling. REALLY smiling, like only a baby can. HUGE eyes, filled with stupid love and admiration. Towards me.
Right there and then, I saw everything perfectly. I knew what was coming, and I started smiling as well. Had time to think "omgomgyes!", before the mom turned back to check on her baby. I stood up, to get a better smile out to the baby, and the baby started glowing(!) as he reached for me with every loving fiber in his body, yelling "DADDY!!"

I couldn't hold it in, so I reached for him, saying "SON!". We were both smiling lovingly at each other, and it was beautiful!

Then his mom ruined the whole thing.. Somehow teaching the kid that he could think of me as his father wasn't the right thing. She dropped everything, picked up her baby, and ran out of the store.

I felt I lost a great friend at that moment, but I knew that we would see each other again in the future..

Fatherhood, I am ready!

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Boooring.. with a twist

I was too tired to care much about anything at work today. All I could think about was how lucky this little girl is..

But that doesn't mean nothing happened! I honestly think I work at the circus of daily life, or a sick parody of normality. Why can't I have just ONE day where nothing out of the ordinary happens? Is that really too much to ask?

So, since the holidays are coming up, things are a bit hectic. We got new stuff coming in all the time, and shelfs are going full. Even the floor is filling. All normal events for a business at this time of year.
We don't even do all the work ourselves! No! The company doesn't even hire others, they just show up. It's crazy! All of a sudden there are twice as many non-regulars working the floor as it is employees. It's a really sweet deal. The companies that sell us stuff, comes over to make sure that their product is being displayed in the best possible way. Then they order what we will be needing for the next two weeks, and then they just leave. Almost like a good date!
And the people are nice quite nice as well. They smile, joke and laugh and the women! Oh the women are stunning! I don't know if its the constant exercise of bending over, lifting up and turning around, but these women are beautiful creatures! Well most of them..

Today, this one thing comes in, totally ignores EVERYONE, and starts working. "... whatever" I said to a colleague, and I got a "yeah, what a bitch" in return, so I knew it wasn't just me.
Being the nice guy I try to be, I tried saying "Hi/Hello" a couple of times throughout the first hours, but to no avail. She kept ignoring everyone around her, even costumers trying to get past her. Until she wanted a small box of some shitty whatchamacallit. "Hey you, get me that box". Well she was asking nicely.. "I'm sorry now what box?"
-The one at the bottom of that pallet of course
-Of course, well help me lift the other 1000lbs of stuff off of it, and we'll have your box in notime!
-?? yeah no! thats not my job. Hurry up, would you?!
-...? fkn shit bitch go die
-I'm on it, mam.

I helped her out, and thought "OK, now I will never talk to that hag again", only to be interrupted by my boss saying "We got a new intern starting today! :)"
"You'll see.. *smirk*"

Fuck that, I turned around and went home. Don't know if I will be in for work tomorrow..

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

I've had it with this shit!

Folks, let me tell you, I take pride in what I do. And that goes for everything! If I'm taking a dump, a fap or the most degrading job ever, I always do the best I can, because that's how I was brought up. I'ts either the best, or nothing at all.
So when customers come at me, complaining and whatnot, I always bend backwards and let them rant on, before I help them out. I give them new items without receipts, I give them cash back, and I pick the lower of two prices (if thats an option). Not because I love the company, or want to please my boss. I don't care too much about that. No, I do this, because when customers are happy, they talk amongst themselves about how wonderful I am. And that is cash for me! I want to be liked, and when a customer goes out of the way to tell my boss how fantastic she thinks I am, I AM FUCKING AWESOME! And that actually happened.. strange woman though :D

But then there are these customers you could pamper all day long, and nothing would ever be enough. I hate them, intensely. Regardless, I always takes the high-road and try to get things right, before I quit caring.
"EXCUSE ME!?! The price on the shelf says different, you twat! ARE YOU TRYING TO SCAM ME?? I find this whole company both distasteful and deceitful!"
Oh, great.. One of those again - hooray!
"I'm truly sorry, sir, but as I told you when I was helping you out the price-tag with the arrow pointing at ONE SPECIFIC item, only applies to THAT specific item. Nothing I can do about it, and again I'm sorry!".

"HRMF!! you know what, smart-ass?! I will NEVER AGAIN SET MY FOOT IN THIS DUMP! Goodbye!"
(victory! no more of this retard - wuhu!)
-Oh, OK. That is totally your call. Have a nice day!
-nice day my ass, you and your lying piece of *mumble-mumble*

Those are the kinds of customers I'm talking about. They get all fired up for nothing, turns out that they are actually in the wrong, and still rips me a new one only to storm off like only a drama queen could. At that point I'm usually happy, because the other customers are on my side. They shake their head and agrees with me on everything. Makes us strangely closer, and I'm still AWESOME! :D

Next day I come in to work, and who is that standing over there? Thats right, the customer that only yesterday told me he would "NEVER AGAIN SET MY FOOT IN THIS DUMP!". He is looking down on his feet, purposely avoiding eye-contact. My only guess is that during the night the store got lifted from dump-status, but I don't really care. All I know is that

Monday, November 29, 2010

An imprisoning story

OK, so here I am again.. Today I have a rather sad story, even though there were smiles all around.
I was helping a customer while two trailertrash-looking women was waiting for their turn. A lot of people were gathered there at that time. And a sane person might not have shared his/her secrets right there and then, but the two women were not sane people.

"So I'm gonna go, like, visit my boyfriend in PRISON again" the less repulsive one said to the other one. I don't know where she had learned to talk, but I'm guessing in a fucking helicopter! EVERYONE could hear them talk, and, sadly, no one cared. Except for the two, of course.
"Yeah, I liked visiting my bf while he was LOCKED UP", we heard the trailer-trash replied. 
-I'm gonna have to, go visit him for like a long time now
-Yeah, I know all about it. Just gotta go with the flow, and keep'em happy. (go with the flow? what?)
They were both 2 years pregnant, and I'm guessing their parents were siblings or something..

Trash and its kid. Yeehaw!

If you feel you need to earn other peoples respect, yelling about your imprisoned retarded boyfriend is NOT the way to go! But it made me laugh, so there's something.. And the other customers laughed as well. Not in front of them I can assure you! We were dealing with gangsta'-wifes here, and we all suppressed our laughter as tightly as we held on to our will to live. Yeah, thats rich.. we all laughed pitifully, and went on with our day.

Sunday, November 28, 2010

Any given Sunday

I woke up at 1 p.m. today, in good time for Newbcastle - Chelsea, which was quite boring..

And also, no work today! But I promised a story, so here we go:

A while back there was this woman customer who I'm guessing did a lot of stuff. And I'm talking heroin here.. She really looked like a cheap skank, though I'm sure she used to look rather pretty. Sleeping in the gutters doesn't help with the appearance i guess, and stealing stuff to sell for score, or scoring for blow, or blowing for H is not the smartest hygienically choice.

Well, she came in one day to buy her dog a large bag of food. Which is good, she takes care of her family. Problem is she couldn't afford half of it. And thats because she "just bought a new car *wink-wink*".
I politely said congratulations, while trying to figure out the *wink-wink*-part. I didn't know what the heck was going down. That was until she unbuttoned the next button, bent down and revealed a rather impressive cleavage. Repeated the *wink-wink* and added a "you should come out and... check it out!"
At that point I was kind of scared, because her pimp might be outside waiting to finish me off.
Thankfully a colleague walked up to us, asking for my help. I told her another time, took the bag of dog food and ran away!

Haven't seen the woman since, and that was nearly 4 years ago.. My bet is on the pimp! Someone should talk to that guy, if he exists.

Thats it, rather lame story come to think about it, but its time for Hotspewrs - Loserpool now. See you tomorrow for a new story!

Saturday, November 27, 2010

Train of thought

In my case, I think I have to step it down to a bicycle of thought. I just (yeah JUST) remembered that tomorrow is Saturday, and that means NO WORK! :D

I have to dig deep down in my memory to fish out a good story regardless..

Well, back to New Vegas I go! My karma is too good :O

A hard day off

So, since I got today off, I decided to post here anyways. I know, I'm awesome!
ManU is currently up 6-0 against Blackburn, which is great. I've placed some bets, but forgot to *SHIT*
7-0 now! Berbatov is amazing today!
Berbatov, after scoring yet another against Blackburn.

 Anyways, I forgot one of my coupons, and now, since the other teams don't follow through, I have to place a couple more for tonight. Betting on French football (thats right, FOOTBALL - soccer is a made-up word, and I don't like it), is not my strong side. I'm really hoping though, but then again, if I win enough I might quit my job, and this blog would run empty really quick..

I can throw in a job related incident, just to make myself feel good about this.
A lot of our customers are retarded. They just aren't diagnosed by professionals yet.
There's this one lady we just call moon-man. And I see I could explain something here already.. Moon-man is roughly translated from my native tongue, and derives from a song. The songs meaning of the word is, however, not important - not even relevant. But the lady looks so misplaced, as if she just fell down from the moon, and thus.. well, you get my drift.
Her fingernails is really bad, and always dirty. For a man that would be OK, but ladies; clean fingers are eminent!

I'm digressing from my story here.. The lady has a daughter, who is about 8 y/o, and the daughter is the more responsible one of the two. Aren't there any rules regarding these things? I feel like calling child protective services, but I don't want to interfere if things are working great. I mean, though the lady seems.. high, she comes across as a nice, loving mother, which really is the most important thing. And if she takes her daughter with her, together they actually makes one fully functioning adult.

Seems things are OK after all.. I'm going back to the game!

Friday, November 26, 2010


OK, so here's the sitch: its freezing outside! -6°F last i checked! -6!!!
But my car's hanging in there, starting nicely as always. The problem is when I start driving, and my exhale freezes to the inside of the windshield. On my way to work today, I nearly crashed, due to a low sun, and NO visibility.. Thank dog for bus-lanes.

Whilst on work, however, I was able to hook up my engine heater. Though my boss warned me the electrics were severely out of date, and might catch on fire. "Well that would be nice, a warm place is always welcome", I said and turned it on. No fire, but my car was slightly warmer than usual starting up after my shift. Of course I can't see out the back window, but who needs that, right?!

Got tomorrow off, so I think I might catch up on our new MasterCard. Its out, but I have yet to get any info on it. *cough* nice management *cough* :D

The saga begins

A long long time ago, I can barely remember, I started working.
Got the job by asking the manager if there was an opening, she said "...?".
Next day I asked her the same, her reply: ".. come back in a few days".
I waited a few days, and came back asking her "so.. when do I start?".
She smirked with an expression of 'OK you win' and told me to start working the following Monday.

That was it! And people say its so hard getting a job? Well you could at least make an effort..

Anyways, in this blog I will write about funny and annoying stuff from my workplace. Have fun reading, or be annoyed, I don't really care.